I want to call do-over. Is that allowed past pre-k? Can it be used in any contexts other than four square? I want to investigate if emotional insurance can be applied to heal professional failure. So I am guessing the messages I was taught as a kid, that I could do anything, be anything, achieve anything I desired were just ploys to get me to shut my mouth and let the house sleep an extra hour on the weekends. So as you can tell, I don't do cynical well. Then again, maybe channeling my pessimistic side could be a labor of love to get me over the hurdles of epic failure cause right now I want to be just like George Washington. Dead.
Now that I have no idea what I am good at career wise or where I would be happiest, let alone how to pay off my student loans without any job prospects, I find myself having out of body experiences. Some days I don't know if I am asleep or awake. I often end up staring at the ceiling and thinking, god I wish it were the tomorrow...how about next week... you know what, any time in the future would work. Scratch all of that, I would like to start over, be born again, in another time, another place, another body, just something other than what I have going on right now.
After a while of self-depreciation I turn a new perspective. I remember all that I have going on in my life. I can breathe for one thing, and that is pretty darn awesome. I have two cutie doglets I get to play with daily and incredible family and friends. I need to refrain from overreacting and instead grow up, put on some big girl clothes, and take responsibility for my actions. I am open to whatever comes and hopefully there is a rainbow in the clouds.
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