A series of funny events occurred yesterday on my way out of work I would like to share. It was roughly between 5:30 and 6:00 p.m. when I left the building to discover that my car had been ticketed. Admittedly I was parked in a lot different from the lot placard I bought (which was a $600.00 expense but the price is irrelevant). I figured since parking restrictions were being lifted this week it wouldn't be an issue. Meanwhile there were cars uncomfortably close on either side which made for an interesting back and forth back and forth motion of my car trying to extract itself from the space. It kind of reminded me of that commercial where one car is hitting on another car for a romantic outing only to discover they were both the same sex, one was just recently re-painted pink. Long story short, my car ended up with a few dings and the other cars left unscathed. When I got home to walk my dog, he did really well up until seeing a few other dogs he couldn't restrain himself not to meet, and he wiggled himself out of his harness before I could scoop him up. Luckily the other dogs were small and friendly, needless to say baby dog's leash is fitted snuggly tight now. The series of persnickety events continued, but the important part of this story is what I learned from it, the decision part of it we all face: to complain or not to complain, that is to say, do we give in to the voice in our heads or refuse.
Complaining is one of my ego's favorite activities. Every complaint is a warm and fuzzy story my mind gets to whip up so that I get sympathy from you and a haughty balloon-like feeling for me. It's a win-win right? Feels as good as my beloved jealousy- Ah yes that devilish vixen I would give up my hubby for if I were another woman in another time and place. Well, in truth, these dangerous temptresses are a perfect storm of pain and resentment ready to suck any and all bystanders in. It is not about the thoughts themselves that are a problem, it is the identification with these thoughts. If I don't pause and take a step back to examine what I am creating, I become the thoughts, there is no space to remove myself. I become entangled in a mess of my own creation when the anecdote is so incredibly simple! Choose not to complain.
If you are still reading and not ready to puke by my simple and carebear-like attitude here are some strategies I have started that have been making remarkable improvements in my overall happiness and ability to function, particularly through the challenges. I notice the story my mind has drummed up- the name calling, the labeling, the desensitization process I create to deliberately construct a "me verse the world" scenario in my head. Then I ask myself, how does this make me feel? Am I really better off by becoming a soldier in the war of the world against myself? The more I take a step back, look at myself through the eyes of others, I see the pattern, and little by little, more and more I gain clarity. I can't expect to be perfect at this, but as I develop the skills of self-awareness, I can achieve mastery, anyone can. That is what we were designed to do. It is no accident that the human animal is the animal that has the ability of consciousness, of self-awareness. It is meant to be used and cultivated for good not evil. We are the heroes of our unique life stories, and we all share the super power of awareness and presence! What a fabulous skill. I intend to use it, I hope you do the same.
Here are some questions we can ask ourselves to become more present and make better choices:
1. Is this verbalized thought in my head meant to bring constructive change to my situation or is it meant to complain?
2. Is this thought meant to validate my position by having someone else confirm: "yes you are right"? If so, the situation will recycle and empower our egos.
How can we solve change this pattern?
1. Become aware- make a pact with a trustworthy buddy to let each other know when the ego monster is in control of each other's brain.
2. Accept your actions. Acceptance, for me, is a hugely important action and a tremendously challenging one to surmount sometimes. In my mind, acceptance is the key to forgiveness, the key to compassion, and the key to our greatest strength and our greatest unifier. Why is it so difficult? Because we love drama, we love to blame and revel in others' downfall. It is a creepy and sadistic truth we share, but we don't have to give in. We can accept it is inside of us and choose not to listen, or if we listen, not to follow. We can choose differently and be our own leaders.
3. Forgive and change your actions. Like my pals Oprah and Maya espouse, when you know better you do better. Forgive your parents embarrassing behavior, forgive your little brother for picking his nose and wiping it on your collage the night before it was due, forgive your puppy for peeing on your boyfriend's favorite jacket. They didn't know any better! And thanks to reading this blog, you can feel confident with your new found growth, knowing better and now choosing better. Yay! *Cheers from angels ring like wind chimes in the mind.
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