One of my favorite stories of all time would have to be the alchemist. I have the written copy as well as the audio version narrated by Jeremy Irons (sigh.. his voice is such a dream). In the story, the protagonist, Santiago, learns to let go of what he think he should do and relinquish control in order to welcome infinite possibilities to unfold. Like all people, like Santiago, I fancy the thought of living out my personal legend, going off on an adventure and embracing the que sera, sera attitude of innocence and openess. I find myself trying to reconcile that one exuberant side of me with the rational, structured side that deals with bills, relationships and essentially "real" life.
I am not a baby anymore. No one is telling me what to do, when to go to bed, what to wear and how to do just about everything. I am not spoon fed every detail of my life and it is both scary and sensational. When I get to imagine all the crazy, interesting escapades I can get myself into, I feel so connected- this is what life is really about! And the instant I internalize that high, my psyche puts me right back into the mundane duties and obligations I have left and they never seem to end. So what do I do? I know that tomorrow is promised to no one and yet I can't simply abandon the resources that are sustaining my ability to function in this world. That comes with responsibilities I don't always want to do. I accept I have to do them and yet I question if I am making the right decisions that are building a path I don't know that I want to be traversing.
It is funny, I am so happy to be in this place in my life. I am curious, inquisitive and searching for deeper meaning. That is what you are supposed to do in the 20s. I hear all these different voices, what I should or shouldn't do, what would be best and so forth. All those voices drown out my own and I am not sure what I want right now. I am pretty lost actually. Very indecisive. All I can do is pursue one thing at a time and throughout my doing so I keep wondering, is this the right move for me? Am I utilizing all my unique gifts? Am I connecting with anyone? With anything?
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